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The Moon Times

a monthly letter released around the full moon
sharing thematic teachings, news & affirmations
to cultivate psycho-spiritual study, reflection & wellness
The theme of this moon cycle is:
the habits of envy & jealousy


Jealousy is afraid to lose what it has;
envy is pained at seeing another have that which it wants for itself.*


"Envy is the art of counting the other fellow's blessings instead of your own."
-Harold Coffin

“Surrounded by the flames of jealousy, the jealous one winds up, like the scorpion, turning the poisoned sting against himself.”
– Friedrich Nietzsche

An Embodied Approach to the Habits of Jealousy & Envy
Questions for reflection:
  • When I'm feeling jealous or envious, what are my underlying needs?
  • What are my fears associated with working to meet these needs and/or having them met?
  • How could I get my needs met with actions that I can take responsibility for?
Suggested table format (inspired by Adrienne Marie Brown and Black Girl in Om:

     FEARS     |      MY NEEDS      |     MY ACTIONS TO MEET MY NEEDS   
*                             *                                   *
*                             *                                   *
*                             *                                   *
*                             *                                   *
*                             *                                   *
I decided to consult on the topic of jealousy with a friend and colleague, Roan, who is not only a kind, spacious and wise facilitator, but a joyful and sensitive human, sex educator, writer and healing justice advocate.

On Jealousy
by Roan Coughtry

As a coach who works with people around sexuality and relationships, and as someone who's practiced both polyamory and monogamy, I've gotten really acquainted with jealousy. Through all my interactions with this emotion, I've learned that it always has something to teach us: it holds some valuable piece of information if we're willing to sit with it and listen to it, rather than just immediately try to get rid of its source. If I slow down and listen, the emotion of jealousy is usually speaking to a need that I have - maybe a need that isn't getting met, or a need I didn't realize I had, or a need that I haven't quite been able to articulate, either to myself or to others. 
 
As I slow down and sit with jealousy, I might become more aware of these needs. What I've witnessed in both myself and others, though, is that the most immediate or obvious need that arises might not be the full picture -- in fact, it could even be a distraction. Often, the first need that comes up is about someone else's behavior: "I need you to do or not do xyz and then I'll feel less jealous." This can actually distract me, though, from the deeper need -- the need beneath the need. If I keep listening to my jealousy and I ask myself, "What's the need beneath the need?", I'm often gifted with much richer information. Why do I need this person to do (or not do) something? 
 
One of my practices is to spend time writing and journaling to allow my jealousy to speak to me, to give space for it to voice the needs I might not be in tune with. Sometimes I'll sit in meditation and simply ask my jealousy what it wants me to know, and wait to feel what comes up. I'll listen somatically with my body to feel where the jealousy might be living, and any other feelings that might be connected to it (fear? anger? grief? feeling small and powerless?). The body has so much wisdom and can tell us so much if we slow down enough to hear it. It can be incredibly uncomfortable to sit with jealousy, and it can feel a little intimidating to give it more space when all we really want is for it to go away. But by giving jealousy space to speak its truth to me, I'm actually strengthening my relationship with myself by honoring all parts of me -- even the ones I want to keep hidden. It's like being on my own side in a deeper way. It can also keep me from acting out from that place of jealousy in a way that impacts other people. 
 
When jealousy comes up in an intimate relationship, the deeper need for me is often about feeling loved, feeling respected, or feeling seen and valued. If I can get that need, it might not matter as much what the other person does or doesn't do; the more surface-level needs might not feel as crucial. If I'm feeling jealous that my partner is spending a lot of time with someone new, and I think I need them to spend less time, maybe the deeper truth is that I need to feel that I'm still prioritized in our relationship, or to know they'll be there for me if and when I need them. Maybe the deepest need beneath it all is to know and be reminded that I am lovable. Surface needs can be limiting -- either you do the thing or you don't -- and they're often bound to the actions of a particular person. The deeper needs, however, can be much more expansive, and there are many more ways of getting them met. 
 
One of the interesting things I've found as a coach working with jealousy in others is that the external circumstances often don't matter at all. They're important, of course, and jealousy can come up regardless of circumstances. For example, people in polyamorous or non-monogamous relationships are no more or less jealous, as a whole, than people in monogamous relationships -- and I've seen people transition from being polyamorous to being monogamous, and still find themselves struggling with jealousy. Insecurities, fears, and scarcity-thinking can come up not so much because of our circumstances, but because we're human and sometimes we're just hardwired to feel these things -- especially in a society where power and resources are literally hoarded by some over others. It's not abnormal or even necessarily the sign of a problem (though it can be); it's simply information. 
 
When I start to feel jealous, the best practice I can lean on is to slow down, listen to its message, and ask myself "What's the need here? And what's the need beneath that?" By doing this, I create more spaciousness to truly hear my needs and honor them as important. When I've identified what my needs are, I can then work on communicating them and opening possibilities for how they can get met.
 
Roan Coughtry
writer, facilitator, healing artist
www.roancoughtry.com | @roancoughtry
Teachings
 
Reads:
Watch & Listen:
Do:
  • Cultivate “mudita: “Mudita is word from Sanskrit and Pali that has no counterpart in English. It means sympathetic or unselfish joy, or joy in the good fortune of others.” In developing mudita, we come to appreciate other people as complete and complex beings, not as characters in our personal play
     
  • Journal about instances when you feel jealous or envious, become mindful of these situations, characteristics and triggers so that you can catch yourself when it comes up, and refocus your attention on what you actually want to feel
"Nietzsche thought of envy as a confused but important signal from our deeper selves about what we really want. Everything that makes us envious is a fragment of our true potential, which we disown at our peril. We should learn to study our envy forensically, keeping a diary of envious moments, and then sift through episodes to discern the shape of a future, better self….
The envy we don’t own up to will otherwise end up emitting what Nietzsche called ‘sulfurous odours.’ Bitterness is envy that doesn’t understand itself." *
Updates

New offerings on the site:
  • In celebration of my birthday (s/o to the libras! :), 30% of all visual affirmation proceeds from October 5th - 10th will go toward GirlForward, an organization based in Chicago creating and enhancing opportunities for girls who have been displaced by conflict and persecution
     
  • Curating and adapting workshops for people and organizations that value self-development, wellness and conscious growth is one of my favorite things to do. Are you interested in bringing a customized workshop to your place of work or living? I'd love to explore collaboration with you.
     
  • Want to sit down together, connect, reflect on your power, purpose and unmet needs, create some art to explore the recesses of your conscious and subconscious mind, release some sh*t into the ether that doesn't serve you, perhaps with ritual and ceremony, and cultivate some intentions that give you life and clarity. There are currently a couple spaces available for 1 to 1 self-development consultation with Chetna at a sliding rate, email for more details.
     
Upcoming events:

ONLINE / EVERYWHERE

This 3-month series of personal and group consultations has purpose to help us explore our creative "blocks" and deepen into the well of infinite inspiration and creativity within and around us.

We’ll gather online, connecting from near and far, to leverage tools of radical self-reflection, expressive arts, mindfulness and meditation, community and connection.

Who is this series for?
  • You’re wanting to discover and rediscover their creative talents
  • You feel creatively blocked or uninspired
  • You’re yearning to deepen into your creativity and sponteneity
  • You’ve said, “I’m not a creative person.” but don’t want to believe it
  • You want to share your gifts and creations with the world
  • You seek confidence in your ability to vision and create

CHICAGO



Do you want a tool to remind you of the helpful and relevant resources available to empower you and reduce stress?

Join in crafting a sacred power box: an effective and therapeutic wellness tool for soothing, empowerment & grounding. We'll take time to be creative in circle, bring awareness to our senses, & practice mindfulness while creating a resource tailored to each of us.
Early bird tickets at $38 are available until October 9th

Chicago, stay tuned for more details on a ceremony to harness the energy of the full Hunter's moon in exploration of our light and our dark.

NEW YORK

In collaboration with Brown Girl Magazine, Inc., the Slashie Summit is an all-day experience that empowers individuals with access to influential South Asian networks, essential tools and critical knowledge they need to challenge the stigma behind creative aspirations and career paths.

"Slashies" are generally members of the millennial demographic, who choose to include various ‘side hustles’ in their professional titles but perhaps less lucrative pursuits to which they devote their time—in addition to their nine-to-fives.

I'll be hosting a couple workshops to "Bring Soul to your Hustle" and "Manifesting the Intentions of Your Heart/Tuning Into Your Heart Wisdom" as part of the summit experience. Learn more about this upcoming and rich experience here.

Thank you for subscribing to the Moon Times.

Your thoughts, feelings, resources and requests are soooo welcome!
email me.


Stay tuned around the next full moon on October 24th for
The Moon Times - Issue 9
Copyright © 2017 mosaiceye, all rights reserved.






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mosaiceye · Ashby Ave · Berkeley, Ca 94705 · USA

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