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Welcome!
IT'S GONNA BE MAAAYYYY
Tunnneee, amiright? My work playlist is pretty much the NSYNC-BSB mash up on repeat, with hints of Tay Tay. I tried new artists, but remained uninterested. When I suggested we put on new music the other night, Will quote 'I just wanna dance with the moves I already have to shit I already know the words to'. Word, bro.
Anyway. It's approximately Week #4760 of iso, and I'm bored. I'm basically in quarantine with my dog who is as needy as me, as my 'husband' (lol!) shuts the door so I don't ask him questions like what is your third favourite ice cream flavour and spontaneously burst in singing the soundtrack to Chicago 8 million times a day.
His loss. 
Basically, I am ready to communicate. What's news since we last hung out? We all cried during Unorthodox, baked something new (packet brownies aren't gonna add an egg to themselves), decided to eat old favourites, and did the same with TV. I even bought a jigsaw today. What is happening?? I decided to be somewhat productive, and got married. Was fun, except for, you know, our WiFi dying at 5.59pm when we were ready to GO LIVE at 6.00pm (you can bet Telstra met my alter-ego Karen on Monday). Cue MELTDOWN and every boomer friend of our parents calling us at 6:01pm shouting HOW DO I LIVEBOOK?! Fucking call someone else mate, I may be in my lounge room BUT I'M STILL THE FUCKING (CALM, COOL, COLLECTED) bride!! We got there with our wonky videos, somewhat loud stepping, cute af vows (he was great, annoyingly) songs, games and awkward dances. The best part was obv becoming famous - we were in the newspaper, two radio shows, and apparently we are going on tv. And by we I very much mean me, as the husb is locked in the aforementioned room. MY TIME TO SHINE. Will has said fame doesn't suit me, he is not into my constant glow basking, checking the article online every 30 seconds to read comments (current tally: 0), and messaging everyone our radio clips to which they reply 'Thanks, I got it the first time you sent it' (My boss). But this week, no media. People are back to asking me to do things (!) like my job and brush my own teeth rather than shower me with fame. I want my 15 minutes back, I wasn't ready! Need a nip slip ASAP.
What? How did that get in there? Awkward.
 
But honestly- I'm finding I bloody well thrive in a pandemic. No disrespect to those struggling, but like...had Swine in 09, feeling fine. When I got Swine Flu (it was pretty much just a cold, peeps) I ended up with an extra week in London and business class flights home on Emirates all paid for by insurance. Swine flu was amazing. And then with corona, I got famous for 15 minutes (enquitre within for more media bookings. I'll do ANYTHING). #CanVirus. Just kidding - LET ME GO TO THE MOVIES NOW I'M DYING.

So, to curb my back-to-commoner woes, I bring you this month's Flock - we investigate the Top MET Gala outfits of all time feat. L. Pinch, Top 10 Stand Up Specials If You Need a Laff, I ask for your fashion-pinions in a highly detailed poll on How I Should Style My Wedding Jewels, we find out what my friend Cohen does for a job (still dunno, tbh), have a seriously Cute AF contribution, and ask you to
re-take the Tiger King quiz, as I was totes not satisfied with the level of involvement. Let's go!
TV TALK
Are you ready to LAUGH? 
In these times, we're needing a lot of TV distraction. And don't worry, I'm finalising my list of Top 10 Shows of The First Half Of 2020 (yeah, I've watched a lot already). If you're wanting some series, check out my list of

Top 10 Shows You Missed in 2019.

But, if you just wanna sit back and have a laugh rather than argue with your partner for 2 hours on what to watch, then why not check out my
Top 8 Stand Up Comedy Specials If You Need A Laff
Note: I have listed where to find these in Australia, it maybe different in your covid-ridden countries. 
DEAR MISS MAPLE
Got a problem that needs solving? Miss. Maple from HR is here to save the day. 
Dear Miss. Maple,
I see everyone online in this sick tie-dye tracksuits. But the only way to get one is pay $800, or risk financial ruin from a site called chicii.nigeria/zup. I mean, it's only $5 on there. Is it worth the risk? 
Signed, Anon. 

Dear Anon,

I understand. Sometimes my human spends hours online looking at outfits for me, but then the boy human thinks I am uncomfortable and makes me take then off after two seconds, even though I love them cos the girl human is the better dog owner. Sorry just wanted that to be 100% clear after the wedding. Anyway. Just like dogs off breeders on Gumtree, buying from weird sites is nerv, and you don't wanna end up with a full fashion fail, like
these.  
Don't mind the link it is a fun article from the girl human. Anyway. I'd abort. You coulud always wait til Kmart comes out with a povvo version, or if you're seriously bored af- DIY? 
Miss. Maple
FASHUN CORNER. LET'S TALK...
It's hot, but is it MET?
feat.  Moi & renowned Armchair Critic, L. Pinch.  
A video review. Enjoy!!

(PS - so we went on for a bit. Whatever. you got something better to do?)
I watched. I wanna vote! Go.
WHAT THE F*CK DOES A ... ACTUALLY DO? 
Each month, let's investigate a career we might know the title of, but have zero idea how they fill their 9-5 This month, let's find out - what the f*ck does a 'Data Scientist' do? With Alex Cohen, CANADA (So he should receive this when they get internet there). 
Who are you and what do you do? Legit known you 10 years and nfi what you job is. 
Being a data scientist is a lot like being a regular scientist except we do nothing that scientists do and also never get to hold a glass beaker up to the light with a concocted formula that solves world hunger. So basically it's nothing like being a scientist. Also, it's sort of like creating Artificial Intelligence, but mostly to recognise pictures of dogs and cats, and not at all like in Terminator or Ex Machina. 
(see photo below - this is not at all what I do). 

Don't get it. Like, okay it's 9.20am, you've strolled in, said hi, had a coffee, had a chat, gone for a walk, it's 10:30am...wait sorry that's my job. You then...
I'm a data science consultant, which means I work with companies and use data science to help them improve their processes. For example, you're a retailer and you want to forecast how much sales you'll have next month so you can know how much inventory you should be ordering, or how much traffic will be in your stores so you can plan how many staff you'll need on a given day and time. And how do factors like weather, holidays, events, etc. 
affect these? I use mathematical models to find patterns in data that can help make predictions, and businesses use these insights to help make decisions. Plus, I get to wear a suit and use fancy corporate jargon like 'leverage your data', 'upskill your workforce' and 'expense account'. 


You sound fancy and adult. Do you like it? What's good and bad about it?
Data science is an amazing field because it combines really awesome cutting edge mathematical modelling with real life uses. With the latest advances in the field, we can even use models to find insights from data in images and/or language. And there's a ton of really cool applications 
in the medical field, like building a tool that can find a tumour on a chest X-ray or a brain MRI, or using patient histories to calculate the risk of heart disease. 


Sorry, had to correct a few of your Americanisms there ('maths', not 'math'). What kind of person should do it? 
I think it takes a good blend of analytical skills and creativity. Obviously, you need fundamentals in math(s) and computer science to understand the mathematical theory behind the models and use programming to apply it. But an important part of the job is also finding creative ways to use these tools in real-world settings, like Business, Medicine, Environment, Sports. That's the part that I find makes it cool and badass (as cool and badass as math(s) and coding can be I guess). 
ACTIVITIES YAY!
K guys, not sure if you're aware, but I got married, became kind of famous for a week, no big deal (Jokes. Please continue to make it a big deal, I live for the fame. Will quote 'you don't need the love of strangers, you have me!' Hard pass). Anyway, so, I couldn't decide which ring I wanted, so I bought two (Will so lucky) but can't decide how to wear them. So please, spare a thought for a Jewish middle class white girl in need and VOTE - how should I style mah precious jewels? 
I have opinions! Vote here now!
JEWISH FINANCE CHAT
Should I buy a house rn? 
With Jess, Armchair Expert.
Qualifications in the housing market, finance and economy: Zero. But people listen to Jenny McCarthy about vaccinations, so here we are. 
THE YES CAMP
  • Houses are cheaper, and will be like that for the short term
  • Interest rates have never been lower
  • You could score a bargain
  • If you're in it for the long hall (5+ years) you should be able to weather the storm of global financial uncertainty 
  • If you wait, you might just be back where you started, competing with everyone else for over-valued properties
THE NO CAMP
  • There's 100% gonna be a recession, and my house will lose value
  • You could lose your job, and not afford repayments
  • There's nothing out there to buy, anyway
  • Houses are gonna be cheaper later, I'll wait
  • Something better might come along
Overall: Probably comes down to your individual situation. If you are in work that could be unstable, are unsure if you could make repayments if times got tough and don't have an immediate need to buy, you could wait. But if you're feeling financially secure, you're super ready to buy your own place and rate a lack of competition, now could just be the time to get a barg - maybe. 
*Please actually talk to a professional. I have no money to be sued, cbf. 
RANTING AND RAVING
This month, I'm annoyed with: My bleak WFH wardrobe. Why are all my going out clothes colourful but my stay at home clothes universally black and grey? It sets a tone. 
Loving:
SZA and JT song, The Other Side. Just so dang catchy! Mm gonna play for 400th time today brb. 
Hating: So. Much. Mess. After our wedding night it looked as though we had approx 50 people over. Confetti, wine glasses, cheese everywhere. Someone come move in as an essential cleaner ASAP. 
CUTE AF
This month's Cute AF is brought to you by b-gen Ari Xenophon Roitman taking his first selfie. I actually cannot with how cute this pic is. We love you Ari!!!
PIC OF THE MONTH
Haha DED. Thanks for all the laffs, Kween. RIP
Stay tuned for next month, featuring: 
  • GOAT: The Cannes Film Festival feat. L. Pinch
  • Top 10 Shows of 2020 (so far)
  • Top 10 Crime Mysteries Cos You Seedy AF. 
  • Maybe I'll get around the the Murse article...
  • Tiger King, MET and Ring Poll Results
  • Are We There Yet? A hopeful iso end
  • And more, only in The Flock!
Thanks for reading! If you'd like to be featured, contact me here.
Quick favour, if you're thinking of forwarding to a friend, or want more issues and you haven't already, can you  subscribe instead? That way I can keep track of who's reading and tailor content. Also, massive ego boost.
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The Flamingo Pen · Melbourne · Melbourne, Victoria 3000 · Australia

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