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I, said, brrr! it's cold in here!
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Why is it if you ask me basic algebra or the capital or Chile (despite learning it just last week) I'm dumbfounded, but can, without hesitation, recite word-for-word Big Red's Bring It On intro song?

How are we all going in iso? Everyone's boyfriend's are getting a hard on for The Last Dance, whilst some women are pretending to be interested while secretly wishing there was a doco series about Joan Rivers and Joel Creasey on the road instead (just me, then?) It would be approximately 1000% more interesting.
In other news, since I am supposed to be in Hawaii rn (not bitter or anything) but am instead browsing new winter jumpers to buy in my new iso-size, XXL, as noted, I bought a house (?) So while Will does things like house insurance (but poorly. How did he not get us 15% off with combined car and contents? I THOUGHT HE BECAME A SON OF ABRAHAM ON APRIL 18), I have developed an unhealthy obsession with throw pillows. I have bought six separately in the space of two weeks. And I'm suddenly, like, full-speed into velvet. My mum said my collection looked like my grandmother's. SORRY WE BOTH HAVRE EXQUISITE TASTE. I froth my velv. Will keeps putting the cushions on high shelves so I can't reach them and cover our bed and couch in them so I can prop them up, then at night take them all off, then in the morning put them all back again, over and over until we die. 

Also getting into dreamily cruising the aisles of Kmart and trying to determine just what types of pyjamas I can get away with calling 'athleisure' when back at the shops (note: 2 x tracksuits). I'm also busy saving heaps of stuff to cart online, like jackets and plants and art prints, but never committing to buy. I'm one of those people who say 'Is this available?' on Facebook marketplace, then ghost you when you say Yes. Like...I may not need it now. But I just needed to know that if I did, I could. Like having an exercise bike in the home, or buying lettuce. I probably won't ever use you. But I COULD, and that's the point. 

Is anyone else kinda not super psyched at the thought of the office? Cold, public transport, putting on a bra and waxing the monobrow, who needs it, amiright? I was thinking two days would be good. Like, enough of a motivator to not start to weigh 300kg rocking a muumuu 24/7-
and some face-to-face with your boss so they don't forget you, but enough home time to cuddle your dog, do the laundry, binge your ain't so bad! Anyway, I'm rambling. Could it be the lack of socialisation? HIII. Moving on. This month, we explore my Top 10 Shows of 2020 (first half) for those looking for new shows, some crime mysteries to sink your teeth into (I find folding laundry is solid podcast time if you ain't in the car no mo), a Cannes Fashion Retrospective, some fun survey results and more. Lessssgo!
K all, I've changed my iso goals from 'do 20 planks' to 'watch 20 episodes', and I'm finding I'm so much more successful. Never let anyone stay in the way of your dreams. So, now we are halfway through the year and everyone's #hotgirlsummer is officially cancelled, get in your jammies with my
Top 10 Shows of 2020 (so far)

For those with more sinister interests, or whose entertainment style goes over film, tv and podcasts, have a look at my 
Top 10 Crime Mysteries Cos You Seedy AF. 
Who here has not got around the Large Almond Latte podcast yet? Girl! (and lone boy reading). Billing itself as 'the conversations you overhear at brunch' the podcast is basically this newsletter, but listening. Created by a fellow Flocker, there's movie reviews, fun old millennial references, witty banter and best of all, by joining the Facebook page, you're part of the conversation. With episodes only 20-30 min long, they're easy to listen to and smash while making pasta for the zillionth time. Get your large almond latte and have a listen here and join the party on Facebook here. 
Got a problem that needs solving? Miss. Maple from HR is here to save the day. 
Dear Miss. Maple,
Lift of restrictions is obviously good, for most parts. But here in Victoria, it was announced that you can have only 5 friends over. I was going fine in iso (kinda) but now I suddenly feel 17 again, and wonder why I'm not invited and automatically #1 in everyone's MySpace Top 5. What do I need to do to make the cut and make sure I am invited to all things at all times? Why hasn't my phone rung? WHAT IS HAPPENING? 
Signed, Desperate and Alone

Dear Desperate and Alone.

Jeez, you sound more desperate than me when I have had my two meals but really could use a third meal and a treat and whatever is on the floor and then another meal again. But seriously human, chill. If you can't have 100 people over, neither can everyone else. Perhaps they don't think you want to spend your first week out with them. Perhaps your thoughts running wild are true, you are very dull and boring and they would prefer to spend this time with other people. Roll with it. Read your book, watch your stories, write your newsletters - uh, I mean, do your hobbies I know nothing about, and eventually things will go back to normal. Or go to the dog park. Everyone is friends at the dog park!
Miss. Maple
Since my second favourite red-carpet feature of the year, the Cannes Film Festival, has been cancelled (Sacré bleu!) instead, Cannes comes to you. Have a look at our fashion retrospective of tha best Canness looks of all timmmeee!
I want to go to there!
Each month, let's investigate a career we might know the title of, but have zero idea how they fill their 9-5 This month, let's find out - what the f*ck does a Senior Work Integrated Learning Coordinator do? With Rose Watson
What do you do?
I work at Deakin University within the Arts and Education Faculty. I promise you, my job title will mean nothing to you... ‘Senior Work Integrated Learning Coordinator’… I know right? What the f**k is that?

Explain more detail what does that mean. like, okay it's 9am and...
You know when you went to uni, and there was all that fun stuff you could do for credit that saw you interning with journalists at the ABC, doing a teaching placement in Nepal or heading off to Tokyo to put on an art exhibition with your classmates? Well, I develop and manage these types of programs. Our team sells ourselves as doing all the ‘fun stuff you can do outside the classroom’ for credit. Obviously COVID-19 has changed the way we work this year and the types of programs we can offer our students. I’m currently working on some really cool domestic programs which has students connecting and working with other students and organisations around the world from the comfort of their homes.

Do you like it? What’s good and bad about it?
I love it! The thing I love the most is the people I work with. My team is fantastic. Everyone is forward thinking and a genuine superstar. I also enjoy getting to know students before they undertake our programs, then watching them build some confidence and perspective. The best part though is when I’ve been able to jet off with the students to places like Sri Lanka, Japan, Peru and lead these programs. I’m amazed at how confident students are these days. When I was a student my face would turn bright red with just the thought of the teacher asking me a question in class. Could. Not. Cope. With. Attention! Now I’m all for it, but it took me going on exchange and undertaking a couple of internships throughout my studies to gain that confidence. I love seeing the shy students go through the same transformation I went through.

What kind of person should do a job like yours?
Someone who is social, patient and enjoys public speaking. Someone who is really good at ‘winging it’ is great for times that you have a 5 minute warning before being asked to talk about career education and skills development in front of a lecture of 400+ students!
Results, as chosen by you: 
It's fashion, but is it MET? Results here. 
How do ya'll feel about Tiger King? Results here.
And most importantly, in 'How should I style mah jewels', the winner was.....A!
As a refresher, this was it. Thanks gang, it was keeping me up at night. 
With Jess, Armchair Expert
This week focuses on buying that dream house. Single, in a rel or in-between, it's time to the hustle:

How to Get A Room of One’s Own, or: How’s a woman actually meant to get a place around here?

This month, I'm annoyed with: How much effort it is to change banks. Surely there's a form to change all your debits like your Super? I don't wanna, it's BORINGGGG!
 The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel soundtrack. I've listened to One Less Angel approx 100 times today. 
Hating: Having to choose a coffee machine. Help me. Under $250, no pods, milk froths itself. Taking recommendations. Or just give me one. 
This month's Cute AF is brought to us by the lovely Valentina A. Velanti, currently residing in Switzerland, EU! I know. A gorgeous man holding his baby whilst doing housework. What is this, porn? #thefutureisfemale
RIP Jerry Stiller. 1927-2020. 
Stay tuned for next month, featuring: 
  • Moving House: Will this also feature The Flock's first divorce?
  • Bday In Iso
  • The Top 10 Actors You Can Rely On
  • A very big announcement! (I'm not pregnant)...
  • And more, only in The Flock!
Thanks for reading! If you'd like to be featured, contact me here.
Quick favour, if you're thinking of forwarding to a friend, or want more issues and you haven't already, can you  subscribe instead? That way I can keep track of who's reading and tailor content. Also, massive ego boost.
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The Flamingo Pen · Melbourne · Melbourne, Victoria 3000 · Australia

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