Hey there, how you doin’?
This week we’ve been on the move, so not much to tell you yet. Instead, I’d like to complain (please) about my unsexiness in Southeast Asia. Here’s the deal: I keep seeing these girls (tourists too) looking all perfect: perfectly dressed, looking all fresh and cute, sometimes even wearing makeup(!), and I am like: WHO ARE YOU?!
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against perfect looking girls, I am just amazed, and I genuinely want to know who they are; I admire them, I am like... how?! Because let me tell you something: Southeast Asia does NOT bring out the sexy in me. Nope. In Southeast Asia I am a GREASY POTATO. Here’s proof:
Exhibit A - my hair. There is no explanation really. Do you know when Monica goes to Barbados and her hair goes all mental? It’s worst. The humidity turns it into a bird’s nest and the fact that I always wear it up doesn’t help because it turns into whatever shape I wore it in. HOW? How do people wear their hair down when it’s 500 degrees?! HOW??? - both men and women! HOW?? So yeah, braids are my best pals here. They’ve got my back. (Sometimes. 'Cause sometimes they go a bit mental too). I wish I could show you a photo but I don’t want to.
Exhibit B - sweat. Back in London I went to a Zumba class with two of my dearest friends, a Scottish and a Northerner. By the end of it, they were all flushed and sweaty, you know, what people look like when they workout, and thought that I was a freak ‘cause I didn’t sweat. Well girls, in turns out that in Southeast Asia, I am both a Scottish and a Northerner at a Zumba class. But the Zumba class is held at 600 degrees and I’ve got sweat in unimaginable places, like my eyelids and my elbows. And it’s not just a little ‘shine’, it’s proper waterfalls pouring out of me. And I am not ‘flushed’, I am bright red, like a tomato. A tomato that is boiling. It does NOT look like I exercised. It looks like I may not survive the day. (How do people wear makeup in this weather? IT IS NOT POSSIBLE! HOW?!)
Exhibit c - my clothes. I wear practical clothes: loose trousers and t-shirts are my best friends, as are my trainers. Occasionally I’ll wear shorts, but I try to avoid it because of the mosquitoes (mosquitoes must find me sexy ‘cause they’re all over me). I also - and this is disgusting so feel free to look away - wipe my sweaty face on my comfy/practical t-shirts because otherwise I can not see and it burns! So yeah, it doesn’t look good. And it’s definitely never matchy-matchy.
And then I see these girls wearing the most beautiful long dresses, with their lovely glowing hair blowing in a sexy way (how is their hair blowing if there’s no wind?! HOW?), walking like they’re goddesses (maybe they are!) and I say ‘hi’ and they smile back at me, and I am like: “WHY AM I A GREASY POTATO?”
Gonçalo is doing fine BTW. He also sweats but he’s not a potato.