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[Image of Carl]

Welcome to Newsletter #54

A bunch of tales I wanted to share with you

A tale I read

Poem by Tim Key
[Poem by Tim Key]

A tale I heard

Former boxer Evander Holyfield on the ear that Mike Tyson bit, 20 years later:

“I see folks always looking, getting ready to ask about what happened when they're around me, and on the right ear, there's a scar when you look close, and you can tell somebody did something to it. But you know what? Whenever I see my ears in the mirror, it don't bother me. I just remember how I made $35 million in nine minutes. That makes me forget everything that happened to the right ear that was damaged the most, and if Mike wants to do the same thing to the left, I'll take $35 million more.”

A tale I saw

Feast by Patrick Osborne
[Feast by Patrick Osborne]

A tale I wrote


I’m sitting in the dinosaur section of Leicester’s New Walk Museum. I can see a bunch of dusty old bones to my right, surrounded by a bunch of pensioners. A few years ago I would’ve made the kind of joke where you go: “I’m sitting in the dinosaur section of Leicester’s New Walk Museum. I can see a bunch of dusty old bones to my right… I can see a few dinosaurs too!” But I don’t make that joke today, for two reasons: 1) I’m less of a dickhead these days. 2) In this museum, it’s the pensioners who are laughing, winding each other up and running around, and it’s the two young people who are sitting still, staring at their screens, petrifying into time.

A tail I like

[A tail I like]
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