A tale I heard
Rowan Atkinson telling a story involving a friend of his, parts of which were ultimately used in Bean: The Ultimate Disaster Movie:
“He went to a party, a house warming party. This house had just been built and he’d been invited to it and he was late, he’d stayed late at work and he was rushing to this party. He arrived at the party and he suddenly realised… he was desperate to go to the toilet. And in quite a big way. So, he went, and he burst in the front door of the house and there was a door by the front door and he opened that door and, sure enough, it was a toilet. And there was the toilet and he closed the door and he locked it and he sat down and he relieved himself in the way, you know, that he needed to relieve himself. And he felt much better for it.
And then he realised that the house had not actually quite been completed. And that the toilet was not actually connected. There was no water going in, no drainage going out. And he’d left this significant calling card of his own. And he sat there and then he realised that in fact it was a little office, it was a little study that they’d just dropped the toilet pan in. It wasn’t supposed to be a toilet at all. And because it wasn’t supposed to be a toilet, there was no toilet paper. And he started thinking ‘what the hell am I going to do?’.
He rummaged around in his briefcase and he found some writing paper, lying at the bottom of his briefcase, which was about the right size. So, he used the writing paper, as you would wish to use the toilet paper and then he suddenly realised that it was his headed note paper. It had his name written across the top and he’d left it on top of what he’d left in the toilet and it was the least anonymous way you could commit this heinous social crime. He picked up his briefcase and he ran out of the house and it was fantastic, he said he didn’t need to send a thank you letter! And I thought, if this doesn’t end up in a movie it would be very sad.”